Sunday, August 10, 2008


Take Note, Martinez for August 7, 2008

You Should Be Dancing (Or Maybe Not)

Imagine, if you will, Pee Wee Herman having severe muscle spasms, downing a fifth of tequila in one gulp and prancing around barefoot on a bed of cactus. This is an approximation of what I resemble when I dance.

I love to dance. Being Greek, I'm pretty sure Greeks invented dancing. At least the whole hankerchief thing, and the table in the teeth. At any rate, dancing is fun when the band is sounding hot and the woman is looking hot (and these days, that woman is my wife, and she is always looking hot, so there's that). And I am inclined, under those conditions, to forget my own personal rule number one, which is: do not, under any circumstances, take to the dance floor; rather, cling like crazy to whatever tiny shred of dignity you have left, and enjoy the sight of all those other people dancing instead.

My wife is an excellent dancer, and I love to watch her move. Our neighbor down the street, Cindi, is also a great dancer, and it's very cool when she comes to my band's gigs, because she always inspires us to work a little harder. Dancers on the dance floor are the reason bands like mine exist. When the dance floor is full, the band will always kick into whatever gear they have left (and even gears they didn't know they had), because the exchange of energy is a gift from the gods -- dancers validate the band, and the band (usually starving for validation) wants more, and works harder to get it. It's a very fruitful bit of spiritual commerce for everyone involved, and no one loses. Except when certain conditions exist.

Let me elucidate.

This past weekend I was playing with a band in Vacaville, at a large venue called Stars (it's off Nut Tree Parkway -- look it up and go there, because it's got a bowling alley, giant video arcade, and restaurant/bar with music every weekend). The dance floor was a good size, and for much of the time, we had the crowd on their feet. But for a portion of Friday night, some guy from Alabama (he felt the need to show us his driver's license) decides to take the floor and writhe around in cowboy boots. After a few drinks, this guy was dancing alone, if you know what I mean. But he still was dancing, and the other people decided it was better to maybe just sit and enjoy their drink and stay out of boot range. He was a nice fellow, to be sure. And being raised in the South myself, I have nothing against folks from Alabama. But dancing like a cowboy, with all those swoops and jumps and turnarounds, just isn't safe without a modicum of sobriety, so take note, cowpokes. Be safe, be sober, or don't dance.

On Saturday night, a couple of oddly-dressed but decidedly cute blonds in their twenties decided to own the dance floor. They did this by twirling and genuflecting and kneeling and running around the perimeter of the dance floor, and chopping the air with their arms, and generally behaving as though they were Shamans performing a ritual involving the removal of nasty spirits. No one had the heart to ask them to please calm down, because of their age and cutness level. But also, no one had the desire to join them on the dance floor, because they were literally flailing around with no regard to other dancers. Sevearl couples gave it a brief try, but sat down right away. And these two danced all night long.

What's going on here? The need for attention, probably, and a perverse sense of performance quality. There are people who believe that they can do something well, just because they really, really want to do something well. I've had this illusion about rewiring a house, playing the drums, and writing a novel. These folks had it about performance dancing. No one thought they were any good at it, but that didn't stop them from thinking that that's what everyone thought.

I love to see people dance, so if you come to a performance of mine (next one is at Armando's on August 15, 8 p.m., and it promises to be very, very hot), please get up and express the absolute badness of your bad self. Just give other folks room to do the same.